so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
