So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
