I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
