I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
