Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
