I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
