that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
