I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is Oprah even human
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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