I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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