So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
