I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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