just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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