Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
