I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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