I love black thongs
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
