Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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