I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
