I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
