Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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