Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
