I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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