you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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