I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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