i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
