Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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