Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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