shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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