the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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