Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
