She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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