ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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