What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
