Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
