i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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