I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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