I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
