I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
