a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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