I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
