is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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