dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
