May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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