the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
