it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
