Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
