Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
