Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
