so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
