There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
