you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
