i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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