Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
