Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
