Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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