I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
