I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
