my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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