my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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