man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
