Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i already hear my dad disowning me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
