how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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