Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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