So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
