he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
