I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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